Book of Bon Temps Sexual Mishaps Part 1
by Ficalicious
Summary: A series of humorous sexual mishaps that are meant to make you laugh and downright cringe. We've all had those embarrassing moments during sex, so why can't our favourite characters?


The Book of Bon Temps Sexual Mishaps Part One

**This will become a series of humorous one shots revolving around different characters in True Blood. They are meant to cause laughter, cringing and downright shock. As the title suggests, I am focusing on the sexual mishaps of Bon Temps. We've all had that moment where we've gagged, fallen off the bed, farted mid thrust, fallen asleep, bitten, tickled or laughed at an inappropriate moment. So here is a collection of stories featuring our favourite characters. Enjoy. Remember that they aren't mine; I'm just making them live real lives.**

He found her about to climb into that pathetic yellow bomb that she called a car. He appreciated the view of her round backside as she bent to deposit something into the back seat. He'd have to do something about this car. It was hardly appropriate for what he planned.

With speed only a vampire could possess, he was behind her. With firm hands he grasped her hips, pulling her towards his straining flesh. Sookie gasped, her head flying upwards in shock. With a harsh thud she smacked into the doorframe of the car. Sharp pain shot through her skull and she felt herself going limp against the body behind her. Eric started as he realized what had happened. Knocking Sookie unconscious had not been in his plans. Although, he had made women lose consciousness whilst seducing them before. Just never like this.

"Sookie?" He asked, his eyes scanning over her features. Yep, she was out for the count. With a sigh Eric slid her into the back seat, laying her out as best he could. He perched on the edge of the seat, watching her with concern. The car was not quite large enough and he loomed over her. He was impatient, his plans having been dashed by such an unfortunate event, and he moved to bite his wrist, knowing his blood would help rouse her. It was then that he saw the flutter behind her eyelids and he smiled.

Sookie's head throbbed as she came to and she raised a hand to rub the quickly forming bump.

"Hello, Sookie." She jerked, hearing the all too familiar voice above her.

"Eric!" Her eyes focused on his smiling face. He was sitting above her, bent over and looking none to comfortable.

"How is your head?"

"You did this to me?" She glared at him. Eric had the good sense to look chagrined.

"I did not mean for you to hurt yourself. I startled you."

"What do you want, Eric?" Sookie tried to keep her voice angry, but even she heard the waver there. Eric always had an instantaneous effect on her body and it betrayed her continuously. She knew he smelt her arousal.

"I want what you want." He said evenly. "I've missed you. I want to have you now."

"W-what?" Sookie tried to move away with little success. Eric's big hands were holding her thighs firmly.

"You heard me." He gave her a wolfish grin and ducked forward to kiss her. Sookie gasped as his mouth claimed hers, his cool tongue delved between her lips and chased hers, and his hands slid straight between her legs and caressed her heat. Sookie's thighs clamped shut, but not fast enough for Eric to feel her dampness soaking through her thin shorts. He grinned against her lips.

"You're so ready for me," he purred, stroking her in earnest. Sookie couldn't help her hips as they thrust against him. Who was she kidding? She wanted him. Desperately. Every night dreaming of him. Every night touching herself in the vain attempt of finding some release. And here he was ready to go and bring her that. She wasn't about to deny him.

Sensing her acquiescence, Eric made short work of her pants, his hands practically tearing the fabric from her body. She was dripping wet and ready for him. He growled his approval. Sookie whimpered. Eric was leaning over her, his eyes staring at her as though she were pray. With shaky hands she reached for his pants. Eric moved closer, allowing her to free his cock. She stroked it hesitantly causing Eric to groan. His hips thrust into her hand and Sookie began to move in earnest.

"No," Eric spoke suddenly. He pulled away from her and Sookie growled her frustration.

"Why?" Her eyes beseeched him, before darting back to his erection.

"I want you now." His voice was like steel and she realized he was restraining himself. Opening her arms, she beckoned him to come to her.

Eric moved as fluidly as an extremely large man could move in a tiny car. With his pants barely around his hips and his legs hanging out of the open car door, Eric pushed inside Sookie's scalding heat. He shook with the pleasure of it, his fangs lowering rapidly and slicing into his lip. With a hiss he dipped forward and caught Sookie's lips, smearing them with his blood. She moaned, as she tasted him, her tongue lapping at the cut. Her thighs cradled him, her hips rising to meet his rapid thrusts. Her hands were bunched in his shirt, in his hair, scraping along his neck. She was getting lost to the pleasure. She could feel her climax fast approaching and every stroke of Eric's impressive length brought her all the closer.

"Eric!" She cried, feeling it take her over. Eric growled, nipping at her lips. As he drew blood he felt his balls tighten. Sookie was moving against him in earnest and she was milking his cock with her release. As his orgasm tore through him Eric rose suddenly to his knees, hoping to give himself more leverage. Instead, he smacked his head into the roof of the car with a dull thud. His eyes glazed and he fell forward, losing consciousness.

Beneath him it took Sookie a few moments to realize what had happened. Her orgasm was still causing her to spasm, her brain was still misfiring but she registered a very large, very heavy, very unconscious vampire lying atop her.

"Fuck!"

**Hope you enjoyed Part 1! Remember, these are just short little one shots. Review and make me happy!**


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